Sushi with Princess Birthday Butt
Someone turns 11 today and her birthday waffle has had a tragic (yet surprisingly delicious!) head wound.
Sorry, Wally the Waffle.
Well, I thought it was funny, at least.
Also, this is one of those jokes/joke constructions which I write and then think, “Oh man, that’s such an obvious joke, I bet 17 hojillion people have already said it and likely said it better.”
And then I think about Google-ing to make sure I’m as completely unoriginal as I suspect, but then I chicken out, because it’s hard to admit that kind of thing to yourself.
And then the weeping starts…
But at least it’s Friday, right?
Jon’s Tumblr Thing-y turned 7 today!
You have my deepest apologies for the past seven years of *this*, Internets.
Scene: friend is on a first date. I have agreed to be her “safety text” in the middle of dinner in case she needs to end said date quickly because of an “emergency.”
Everything goes according to plan.
She left her phone FACE UP on the table and my text to her read, “So, do you think he’s going to try and make a skin suit out of you, after all?”
I should charge for this level of service.
“Institutionalized” by Black Velvet Flag
“All I wanted was a Pepsi… Ooooooooooohhhhh…”
"Daddy, there was a fire and an earthquake. And as you know, fire earthquake is the worst species of earthquake.”
It is quite possible The Beard™ is close to gaining sentience and staging a takeover. First, my face; tomorrow, world domination.
Skeptical face is skeptical.
I get this look from her a lot.