January 2012
Dang It
Parker Posey was in town for the Sundance Film Festival here and I completely forgot to stalk her.
2 tags
In Which I Can Taste the Purple in the Air
Cold meds do wierd things to my brain spaces.
Why am I only ever sick on the weeknds?
“This was the same approach my friend Jon Deal detailed in an article explaining...”
– Me, on TUAW just now, about everyone’s friend they hate-to-love, Jon Deal.
I wish I could have used this picture for the article:
(via tj)
You guys, TJ secretly loves me!
2 tags
In Which I Give You a Warning or Two
In mid December I sat on my glasses.
Snapped the temples right off one of the hinges.
If you’ve ever been in my physical presence, the fact that I killed a pair of glasses won’t surprise you in the slightest. My glasses frequently sit on top of my head. Or next to my keyboard. I often tuck them in between the buttons of my shirt as if they were a pair of sunglasses and I were a...
In Which I'm Not As Worried About the Future As I...
I feel asleep watching “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix.
The 17YO is still up reading a Dickens novel.
And he got accepted to college on Friday.
Hey, at least I can grow a beard though, right?
1 tag
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Monologue: Mitt... →
“I know some folks derive a kind of sick enjoyment from the quadrennial pageant of televised intelligence-abatement that is the United States presidential election, but it’s time to stop the charade. There is no primary. There is no general. There is only this: I am Mitt Romney’s haircut. This is my year, and I will not be denied.”
From the “things I wish I’d written” file.
OK…
Either my downstairs neighbors are having wild, gay sex or they are just agreeing with each other *way* more than usual this Thursday evening; I’m pretty sure that they’re having a *much* more enjoyable night than me, given that all I’ve done tonight is write approxiamtely 850 words of a novel no one will ever read and fixed a co-worker’s laptop.
But hey, it’s...
1 tag
It's 2012!
I’m alone, quite tipsy and not wearing any pants.
Seems like kind of an awesome way to start out the New Year.
Wooohoo!
OK, seriously… where are my pants?
I’m probably going to need those at some point later this year.
I should head home back to my place soon, I think.
Someone call me a cab.
December 2011
2 tags
Important Safety Tip, Egon!
A) There is nothing easy about wrapping presents while you’re tipsy.
B) It turns out scissors are sharp for a reason.
C) I’m sure the bleeding will stop soon.
D) I love everyone.
E) Happy Holidays, fake Internet people!
In Which I Cross Some Stuff Off My “Bucket List”
Not the least of which is being drunk, alone and wrapping Christmas prezzies clad only in my underwear.
Coincidentally, the next item on my list is “wake up with a terrific hangover on Christmas morning as the Baby Jesus intended.”
So I’ve got that covered as well!
(Hey, it’s not a *great* bucket list, but it is a list!)
In Which I Remind You of the Only Thing I’ve Ever...
“Hope will fuck you up.“
You may quote me on that.
Put that in your fortune cookie and smoke it.
Yes, I know, drunken doucheface with pearlescent buttons on your faux cowboy shirt, I look just like Jim Gaffigan.
No, I will *not* do the “Hot Pocket” routine.
1 tag
In Which My Snark Gets the Best of Me
A huge potential client is visiting the studio right now as a part of their “do we really love these people?” grand tour.
(There are like seventeen people in this troupe, WTF?)
We’ve been told we all need to be at our desks look like we’re VERY ENGAGED ON VERY VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.
Me, being me, and not realizing the tour was underway, naturally blurted out, “I’m tired of...
Watch“The Noises Rest” (by lonelysandwich)
I miss You Look Nice Today.
1 tag
In Which I Have a Moment
The 8YO called me this morning and told me I needed to take her to lunch today, “because I haven’t seen you in *forever*, Daddy.”
“What are you talking about? That’s demonstrably untrue, Ellis. Plus, I have you guys all next week when Mom is out of town.”
“I don’t know what that ‘demonstrubably’ word means, Daddy.”
Anyway,...
In Which I Have My Yearly Two Glasses of White...
Our CEO is giving a speech/toast and surprisingly, none of the “CEO Drinking Game” words are coming up (“world class”, “forward thinking” or “thought leader”), and it’s just the usual, nice “I’m honored to work with such exceptional people as all of you.”
Clearly, I have to do something to liven this up.
The CEO winds up...
My New Superpower
Hugging co-workers from the Portland office who’ve flown in for the studio’s holiday party this evening for just a bit too long.
“Hold it ‘till it’s awkward” is my motto.
Sorry, Matt.
E Ci Fu la Luce!
(And lo, there was light!)
Thank you, electrical dude.
And… The Power Is Out at My Place
Like, *really* out. Breakers blew, I flipped everything back, stuff blew again and now I’m sitting here in the dark, waiting for an electrical dude to get over here.
Perhaps now is as good a time as any to note that it’s below freezing outside.
Though my place does look *really* awesome all lit by candlelight, so that’s kinda fun.
2 tags
There's a Subtle Difference, But Huge Difference
I am not pathetic and lonely.
I am pathetic and alone.
(Though both those feature me weeping in the shower to hide the tears, so I can see how it’d be easy to confuse the two.)
Sure, It's Midnight Here Now
But I’m a 44 year old man who can’t get to sleep, this is ‘Merica, and I want Arby’s curly fries.
So.
Road trip.
1 tag
Truthful Friday
The “face-melty” part of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” still kind of freaks me out.
2 tags
In Which the Tipsy and Slightly Evil When He's...
You excused yourself to go to the bathroom at the bar, leaving your iPhone on the table.
Naturally, I took this opportunity to teach you an object lesson about “smart phone security” and did the following:
Posted to Facebook that you’re a hermaphrodite and you’ve now made a decision about “which way to go” and you’re flying to Sweden next week to “finally take care...
November 2011
1 tag
1 tag
I Am Currently Pulled Over by a Utah Highway...
But I’ve seen all five seasons of The Wire, so I think it’ll be OK.
If I end up getting tazed, I’m going to be super annoyed.
Though I am also going to have a hard time explaining why I’m also not currently wearing pants.
It's Official
I love everyone.
Making you a mix tape.
Just to Be Clear
Since I have all of next week off work, my soon to be ex co-worker Kim is picking me up in 20 minutes to take me to a bar, get me completely smashed on “Sex in the City” drinks (that’s how Kim rolls, bless her heart), and then drop me back off at home.
I’m just saying, I’ll probably text/e-mail/and-or ask box you later this evening to say that I love you the...