December 2008
“Jon, I’m going to go put on my new G-string.”
“Hey-o! Now we’re talkin’!”
Realized she’s talking about her violin.
Violinists are NOT funny
Oh, no! He made one of those lame “end of the year” lists! http://is.gd/e6wM My “Best Tweets of ’08” list. Seriously, you guys make me laugh
Can’t find my keys. Looked in all the “usual” places. Desperate now. “Hey, maybe I left them in the vegeable crisper in the ‘fridge!” Um, no
Wife went spelunking at my Mom’s house and found a scrapbook of me in H.S. The list of things I regret not burning is now a wee bit longer.
I know I’ve entered into some kind of weird Stockholm Syndrome with our college student because I’m happy to be doing her laundry.
Saw Frost/Nixon. Spoiler alert! Movie contains a disappointing number of killer robots and hardly any laser battles in space.
For Christmas this year we lost a son, but gained a blues man: http://tinyurl.com/87qj6u [flickr pic]
So, my wife has only seen _Empire_ once in her life. 1980. In the theater.
I know! Shocking! I blame her parents who raised her to be normal
Explained the “slicing open the tauntaun” scene from _Empire_ to wife. She gave me a look that means I’m lucky I ever had sex with any woman
Screw toys or other gifts. Getting each of the younger kids ONE HUGE EMPTY CARDBOARD BOX. They’ll love it. (No kidding, they really will)
7:36 PM on 12/23, it’s snowing like crazy & I’m heading out to start Xmas shopping. Results are in! I am officially the dumbest man alive!
Bowling with the kids. Re-enacting selected scenes from _The Big Lebowski_. The 5 yr old’s Walter Sobchak impression so dead on, it’s scary.
Me: You’re kind of short, you know?
Ellis: Dad! I’m only 5!
M: Maybe if you tried harder, you’d be taller.
E: Mom! Daddy’s starting with me!
No, I’m NOT crying. I have something in my EYE. I’m not choking up. AT ALL. SHUT. UP. http://is.gd/cSp6 [flickr pic]
Nurse @ the hospital gave me a stern look for teasing son. Sorry, but his tush was peeking out of the gown. IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH AND I BROKE
Yes, our 10YO is in the hospital (asthma) & our college student is stranded in Phoenix, but here’s the *real* drama: paper cut on my pinky.
The boy is fine & will be released @ noonish & the college student just got on a plane. Seriously, let’s focus on my paper cut. It stings!
For our holiday party we asked guests to bring a toy for “Toys for Tots.”
Best idea for getting out of doing xmas shopping I’ve ever had.
“How was school yesterday, Ellis?” E: “Fine, but Oscar hit me twice so I am NOT going to marry him. I’m going to marry Ian. In 500 years.”
What am I doing? Well, I’m working on a 2.72GB Photoshop file that has 100+ layers. So, a lot of NOTHING in between individual mouse clicks.
Also, I’m not a complete moron, there are very specific reasons why the file has to be insanely complex/large. Though fine, I’m 98.7% moron.
I prove again why I should not be allowed to talk to clients, “Well, if you change those CMYK values, the art will look spectacularly icky.”
Something decidedly odd about buying 20 lbs. of ice during a huge snow storm. Must figure out a way to tap my latent hunter-gatherer skills.
My new system for categorizing Work in Progress: “kindling,” “still nasty,” “horrid,” “mostly final,” “not nauseating,” & “done.”
Her: “So, the new meds the shrink gave you work well?”
Me: “Oh man! They work like crazy!”
[pause]
“OK, that was a truly unfortunate pun.”
Wife: You’ve lost weight, huh? Me: Yes! Look how spectacular my butt looks in these jeans! Her reply is left as an exercise for the reader
I just spent 4.5 hours wrangling art in Illustrator CS3. On a slow laptop. With ONLY the trackpad. I deserve “1st World Problem” combat pay.
Yes, I got your email, telling me that you are “unable to send email.” I hope you understand why your problem isn’t high on my priority list
Wife’s new haircut, a “shag like Jessica Alba’s.” Me: “Heh. Shag Jessica Alba.” Clearly, I’m 12 and still think Beavis & Butthead are funny.
Bully kid made Ellis (5) cry. Back off, punk! Making my children miserable, weepy and inconsolable is my sole prerogative as a parent.
Explained to the 14YO the finer points of Van Halen. “You can either be on board with DLR or a ‘Van Hagar’ ninny. Not BOTH, son. Just… no.”
New GTD technique: Answer all co-workers’ IMs with “OH HOLY CRAP, NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Eventually, they leave you alone and you can GTD.
True I’m a balding, pudgy nerd, but life could be so much worse. I could be the guy who hatches plotlines for The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.
“Dad, it’s career week and I have to wear ‘business casual’ today. Can I just wear sweat pants?” Me: “Ah, son. If only wishing made it so.”
I have a tradition of naming our servers here at the studio after fonts. Going to go with “Fajita_Sans” and watch everyone’s head explode.
First world whine: Spent all that money on a new Xserve, and we get the same Apple stickers as someone who bought an iPod.
Once upon a time, I had hair: http://is.gd/aHIr [flickr pic]. Also, see that quick before my wife makes me yank it down. And then stabs me.
10 yr. old stayed home from school because he has a bad cold. Me: “You know my number, call me if you need anything, OK?” Him: “Or 911.”
10 yr. old son: “Mom! Dad! I cleaned out my ears and it took TEN Q-tips!” And thanks so much for saving and showing those Q-Tips to us, son.
Note to self: No one in the studio shares your sense of whimsy and they all frown when you say, “That email? Hm… No idea. I was pretty high”
