Also, to the guy who emailed me last night questioning my wife’s fidelity: I trust her. Unrelated, anyone know a good and cheap P.I. in SLC?
Got an extra day on a tight deadline project. “You can have until Monday on that one.” My brain heard: “MOVIE DAY ON FRIDAY!”
Therapist says I’m funny because of some deep and lingering psychological damage and a rapacious need to be loved. “Yay! I’m funny!”
Billing all my time today to the client I hate. But I’m working on a job for the client I like. I’m gangsta!
Wife either has the flu or is pregnant. Since I’ve been “fixed,” I guess I should stop picking out baby names and go get some pepto-bismal
587 unread items in my “Ask Metafilter” feed. Will someone please help out? Turns out I don’t know squat about much of anything. MARK READ.
My daughter is serendipitously channeling ancient comedy. Me: Say goodnight to the teenagers, Ellis. E: Goodnight to the teenagers, Ellis!
Oh, teenage girls shamelessly flirting my teenage son, *please* wise up to the notion that he’s completely clueless to your wiles right now.
Latest episode of Technology! Whiskey! Sexy! is up: http://tinyurl.com/6dd2ae (The thing about the puppies and @Moltz? *Probably* not true)
I just listened to a whole mess of showtunes. They belong to my wife. Really. Though technically, I am over here weeping openly to “Wicked”
Good news: got here early enough to get a decent parking space. Bad news: I’m happy about a parking space. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I found your cell phone! It was kinda dirty, so I washed it off for you!” From the “things you don’t want to hear your 5 year old say” file
Me: We need railroad ties for the yard. Wife: Oh! I know where to get some! Me: Babe, you work for the RR, remember? W: Right. You know that
When your wife asks, “Why all the yelling?” and the 5 yr. old says “Daddy called me a poopy cluster” The best defense isn’t “She started it”
No, I do not “have a case of the Mondays.” Wow, I’ve found the *only* person in America who hasn’t seen Office Space.
Holy crap, this thing was just on my porch: http://tinyurl.com/67bgu4 (Warning, ginormous soul devouring insect picture behind that link)
Yeah, my wife is a lawyer: Kids, NO NOISE! Not from your mouth, hands, feet or other body parts. Not with any object on or near your person.
Ellis: “Good morning, Daddy.” J: “How are you?” E: “I’m fine, Daddy. I love you.” No, I’m NOT crying. I just have something in my eye.
Wife went to work & I stayed home (state holiday). Somehow she missed that my “neener, neener” comment as she left came from a place of love
I’m going to go wake up the 5 yr. old for pre-school. If I come out horribly maimed and emotionally scarred, you will know exactly why.
Supposed to go running. Have decided to stay home, play video games with boy #2 and eat mac & cheese. Yes, I’m fat, but have chosen well.
It will require all my mutant ninja skills to survive today. What? I don’t have mutant ninja skills? Are we sure about that? Well, hell.
Homeless guy in a star wars tee shirt. “The stench of urine is strong with this one.” Gave him some change anyway.
In the past 37 hours, I’ve slept 1 hr and 7 mins. I’m about to start hallucinating, aren’t I?. I’ll ask the giant talking bat what he thinks
Designer made an Illustrator object with 137,428 points and wonders why it won’t print. No court of law would convict me if I shanked you.
Rush was on The Colbert Report last night. Instantly purchased off iTunes. Watched. Nerdgasm. Whoa, I think I need a cigarette now.
With @favrd down, I’m feeling a little sad. Will sit here in the dark cellar and listen to Bauhaus. So, pretty much a normal day over here.
One more reason not piss off the SysAdmin. I have the power to force Hanson’s “MmmBop” to play on infinite repeat on your machine.
Today’s “Manly Moment”: Fought with the 5 yr old over nail polish. She wouldn’t listen when I said that red color didn’t go with her outfit.
Christopher Cross was wrong, I got stuck between the moon and New York City, and there was a ton more stuff to do than just fall in love.
New personal best: I just sneezed 17 times in a row. I think something blew out that I might need later, though.
When the revolution comes, the people who use “hurtle” when they mean “hurdle” will be the first up against the wall.
Not quite channeling Vidal Sassoon this morning. Did my daughter’s hair with a blow dryer. “If you don’t look good, I’m pretty OK with that”
Listening to my son learn to play “Sweet Child o’ Mine” Who do I see about this? Alternatively, anyone want to buy a guitar? Cheap!