Must stop picking fights with the 5 yr old. Mostly because she’s *exactly* at my crotch level and her left jab packs quite the whallop.
Ancient UNIX joke about how geeks make love: unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
Issuing the UNIX command “touch” always makes me feel a bit naughty. I end up self-consciously checking to make sure my palms aren’t hairy.
I expect all of you to keep your traps shut about my “meat fling.” Is it *really* cheating on the “vegan oath” if we’re in different states?
Just remembered that my wife is out of town tonight. None of that vegan crap for dinner tonight, kids! ALL BACON, ALL NIGHT LONG.
I’m going to go look something up on Wikipedia. If I’m not back in 10 minutes, it means my ADD meds have worn off & I’m trapped. Send help!
My joy at finally understanding exactly how Compound Paths work in Illustrator is mitigated by needing this knowledge in the first place.
“Daddy, don’t I look cute today?” “Yeah, you do. I’m curious, though. What if I said, ‘you don’t look cute?’” “Well, first I’d punch you.”
Wife: “No, no, I think you’re much more attractive now than when we got married.” The brainwashing course from college has finally paid off.
Want to hide something on your computer? Stash it in a folder named “PowerPoint Work in Progress.” No sane person would EVER peek in there.
Ellis (very concerned): Pres. Obama is going to change the world. He should NOT do that. Me: Um. Why not? E: I like my world the way it is.
Post-It from our 5YO on the front door: Dear mom dad Need cookies from the stor. I relly need Duble stuf oreos. Thank you. I love you. Ellis
Fine, MPAA. I’ll cop to BitTorrenting “The Dark Knight,” but is there *any* way we can keep my “Mama Mia!” download out of the proceedings?
whitehouse.gov validates as “XHTML 1.0 Transitional”. I know I’m a giant nerd, but that somehow feels significant to me.
“Chocolate City” by Parliament (1975): They still call it the White House But that’s a temporary condition, too. Can you dig it, CC?
My last tweet mentioned “viagra” and “polled my H.S. girlfriends.” Pretty sure my life is just a long series of tragically unfortunate puns.
Spam: “Viagra lets you perform like a teenager again!” I’m sure if you polled my H.S. girlfriends, they’d all say “Um, you do NOT want that”
Our 14YO mustered the courage to call a girl he likes. Definitive proof that the “awkward, dorky & socially inept” gene skips a generation.
Trying and subsequently failing to avoid making a “You know how I know you’re gay? Because you follow @coldplay” joke.
Pro tip: Follow up all instant messages to colleagues of “I hate you with the heat of a thousand suns” with “Oopsies! Sorry, wrong window!”
Might have made a teeny error in filling the 14YO’s iPod with a wide range of music. He’s now engaging in a dangerous flirtation with ska.
Why won’t you just love me for the person I purport to be?
Took the 14YO to jazz band @ 6:30 AM. Made two trips because he forgot his sax. That I would go to jail for beating him is the real crime.
Alternatively, there is the “slip something into her Diet Coke” method. But she got wise to that after our fourth child. OH, SNAP!
Sure fire way I can put wife “in the mood”: I clean the bathrooms, wash dishes, sweep floors & do all the laundry. Me, OTOH: Consciousness.
What if the answer really is “blowin’ in the wind” but we all have iPod earbuds and can’t hear it? See! VERY HIPPIE & I OBVIOUSLY NEED HELP.
Dylan songs now make a lot of sense to me and I’m eating a bowl of granola. Someone stage an intervention before I become a full on hippie.
Just used VPN and VNC on my iPhone to start an app on my work Mac. I’m still in bed. Nerd alert level now set to: +3 Vorpal Blade of Shame.
Note to self: your Wacom stylus does not have ink in it. Stop absent mindedly taking it with you to meetings for note taking.
She did think some were *very* funny/clever. But many had her looking at me like I’m nuts for wanting to have you guys over for dinner.
Reactions from my wife after reading the “Best Tweets of ‘08” I compiled: Don’t get it Makes NO sense That’s disgusting Do they get “help”?
“Daddy! I can’t find my shoes!” “I’m putting on my shirt now! I’m winning! Yay!” “DADDY!” “Annnnd… socks!” “NOOOO!” Being a parent rules.
To motivate the 5YO this morning, I made getting dressed & ready into a race between us. I kicked her butt. Hiding her shoes really helped
Wife: Since when do you like rap? Me: Since forever, duh! W: Jon, you’re 42, white and balding. Rap music? Really? Me: Don’t be hatin’.
Beta-testing a swell Twitter app called “Birdhouse” @birdhouseapp Thoughts: http://is.gd/eIiu They say the “Hey Mickey!” ringtone is a bug.
“I’ll serve your ass like John MacEnroe/If your girl steps up I’m smacking the ‘ho” Yeah, I’m going to get fired from morning car pool duty.
Although, you haven’t seen cute until you’ve seen a car full of “white as snow” 5 year old girls bobbing their heads and krumping.
Took a poll of the 5YOs on the way to school this morning. They like House of Pain’s “Jump Around” *much* better than Raffi’s “Baby Beluga.”
Wife made a New Year’s resolution to “become more jaded & cynical.” She’s an attorney, so she can even bill it as “professional development”
Lost to the 5YO at Disney Princess Memory game. I’m OK with losing, but I wish she’d stop making a new “Daddy’s a loser” dance with each win
Update re: vegan thing. Unable to carve out a “bacon exception” for myself. Made offer to “be nicer to chickens” if I can keep leather shoes
Wife has decided to become a vegan for the New Year. So it seems I’m about to become a vegan as well. (Vegans are cool about bacon, right?)
All I’ve done is a pedestrian “SSH” into my computer @ work to grab a file, but it never fails to make me feel like some kind of über-hacker