Wife wrote “LOL” in an email to me. Scared because I’m pretty sure she meant it, too. WHICH ONE OF YOU DWEEBS TOLD HER ABOUT INTERNET-SPEAK?
We’ve officially entered that special time in a boy’s life, when he discovers MP And The Holy Grail and begins the “incessant quoting” phase
Pity us, his parents, who’ll be enduring constant “She turned me into a newt!” / “A newt?” / “I got better.” reenactments for 4-5 months.
In honor of @nick and Admit It Day: Fine, I’ll admit it, I paid actual money to see “Ladyhawke” in the theater. Three times.
14YO, “Dad, I need to shave.” Looking at his chin, “Really?” “Yes!” Squinting now, “You sure?” “It’s there, I promise! Just buy me a razor!”
1. Writing a book is easy. 2. I’m always motivated to write because I love writing. 3. I can totally do this. The lies I tell myself daily.
Just met what could be the King of the Yuppie Scum. A total douche-nozzle of the worst variety. My abiding shame? I kinda liked his Volvo.
I just had what can only be described as a hot flash. Apparently, along with everything else goofy in my life, I’m now a menopausal woman.
I love answering consumer phone surveys, just to skew the results. “No, we don’t wash clothes. Yes, there are 27 people in our household.”
My kids still have idealism & a sense of wonder. Soon they’ll be bitter & suspicious of humanity. My duties as their father are almost over!
What did my wife and I do for Valentine’s Day? We made cat6 ethernet patch cables. I know, totally HAWT, right?! Sorry, ladies… I’m taken.
I get a little sad when I turn off a machine for the last time. “Goodbye, my Xserve friend! Thanks for the bits!” Holy crap, I need a life.
The only good thing about staying home from work with a sick and puke-y 5 year old? She naps a lot and you don’t have to feed her.
“I better go clip my nails. So I can type better.” Look, the most ridiculous excuse to procrastinate writing I’ve invented so far! Yes!
14YO is writing a song for the Girl He Likes. I have the sad realization that he’s infinitely cooler than I was. Or will ever hope to be.
The 5YO is taking a bath in a leotard, since “I couldn’t find my swimsuit.” Personally, I’m scared because that somehow makes sense to me.
And now I present the latest in my “emo poetry” series, “The Emo Graphic Designer” i am sad i am blue much like pantone 282
Amount of data I shuffled around over the weekend: 4.7TB. And… here comes the nerd joke! My hand really hurts from writing all those 1s & 0s
BIG happy thank you to Tom in Apple Enterprise Support for talking me off a ledge Sunday @ 3:30 A.M. (Normal joke-y tweets resume shortly.)
Silently judging you because you have a “hot corner” that invokes a screen saver and even worse, a corner that does Exposé’s “All Windows.”
Is it weird that I get a little teary at this: http://is.gd/iDZv It’s a little weird, isn’t it? Fine, then. I JUST HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
Her: Humans suck. Sea turtles are dying out because of us! Me: Yeah. I should stop eating those yummy Toasted Sea Turtle-Os™ for breakfast.
Both boys have Science Fair projects due tomorrow. I wish they’d started earlier. It always takes longer than we expect to falsify the data.
Me: Here’s an excellent Science Fair project: “I Cured Cancer” Jonah(10): Dad, I can’t do that! Me: Not with that attitude you won’t, mister
Caught a quick glance at myself in the mirror and thought my reflection was my dad. “Operation Total Freak Out” begins this afternoon.
I simply must stop using outdated slang terminology. Otherwise, none of my homies will take me seriously.
“Hi! I’m the new pair of running shoes Jon bought two weeks ago and hasn’t even used once. I’ll be over here all day, silently mocking him.”