June 2009
“I am the sound of Death.”
That...
Me: Did you post "Hello" to tumblr with my iPhone?
15 yr. old: Um.
Me: Um?
15YO: Um. Yeah. I guess I might have.
Me: Listen, I don't mind you posting, but you have to at least *try* and be witty, OK?
15YO: Right.
Me: Seriously, I'm still figuring this whole tumblr thing out. I can't have you making me look like a complete idiot. I already do that enough. I don't need you adding to it.
15YO: Whatever, Dad.
Hello
Housekeeping Note
I’ve finally realized it’s a bit gauche to stuff my Tumblr with a feed of my tweets, so I’ve nuked the twitter feed.
Carry on as if nothing happened…
“Frankly, Mr. Shankly” by The Smiths
It’s...
Reader feedback: “Your book is so good that someone at Universal would probably greenlight turning it into a really bad movie.”
Emailed my wife to thank her for something, thought about how awesome she is and began to weep. Yep, just as I suspected, I’m menstruating.
Silently judging you, because even though you’re running Mac OS X 10.5.7, your menu bar is still translucent.
I don’t make a habit of installing beta software; generally speaking I only perform horrible and mentally traumatic experiments on the kids.
They got me a nice pair of pants. Pretty sure the not-so-subtle message is: “Dad, we’d all be happier if you wore pants more often.”
Kids got me nice, thoughtful Father’s Day gifts. I knew if I waited long enough they’d be good for something other than just a tax deduction
Important safety tip regarding pantsless cooking: No bacon! Or any other food that spatters. Be safe out there, people.
“What are you doing?”
“Cookin’!”
“Jon, you’ve dirtied every pan we own and where are your pants?”
“I may have sampled a bit of cooking wine”
Polygamist and a few of his wives are ice skating here at the rink.
I know it sounds like a joke set up, but this is Utah so it’s real.
Find My iPhone works a little *too* well. “Current iPhone location: In your pants, set on ‘vibrate,’ you giant pervert.”
Blindly downloading and installing iPhone 3.0. There are sparkle ponies in there, right? I heard there were sparkle ponies.
No sparkle ponies in iPhone 3.0. But! I called Dad and he says he doesn’t hate me as much anymore for ruining his life. Thanks, iPhone 3.0!
According to @scottsimpson, it is *important* that the world see this #maxfuncon photo: http://flic.kr/p/6x8tc9
Some of the photos I took up at #maxfuncon are here: http://flic.kr/p/6wCcbw The rest should be burned or never shown, trust me on this.
Me: Hold that thought for a sec.
Ellis(6): I can’t, it doesn’t have a handle.
M: Sweetie, being a smart ass isn’t how you earn Daddy’s love.
Wife: How was #maxfuncon?
Me: Totally. Freaking. Amazing. I’ve got scads of new and inappropriate poop jokes.
W: Clearly, money well spent.
It’s hard to have a last name like “Deal” because of all the teasing:
“Let’s make a deal!”
“Big fat hairy deal!”
“You’re so gay.”
I was touched inappropriately by many people. #maxfuncon
