December 2011
2 tags
Important Safety Tip, Egon!
A) There is nothing easy about wrapping presents while you’re tipsy.
B) It turns out scissors are sharp for a reason.
C) I’m sure the bleeding will stop soon.
D) I love everyone.
E) Happy Holidays, fake Internet people!
In Which I Cross Some Stuff Off My “Bucket List”
Not the least of which is being drunk, alone and wrapping Christmas prezzies clad only in my underwear.
Coincidentally, the next item on my list is “wake up with a terrific hangover on Christmas morning as the Baby Jesus intended.”
So I’ve got that covered as well!
(Hey, it’s not a *great* bucket list, but it is a list!)
In Which I Remind You of the Only Thing I’ve Ever...
“Hope will fuck you up.“
You may quote me on that.
Put that in your fortune cookie and smoke it.
Yes, I know, drunken doucheface with pearlescent buttons on your faux cowboy shirt, I look just like Jim Gaffigan.
No, I will *not* do the “Hot Pocket” routine.
1 tag
In Which My Snark Gets the Best of Me
A huge potential client is visiting the studio right now as a part of their “do we really love these people?” grand tour.
(There are like seventeen people in this troupe, WTF?)
We’ve been told we all need to be at our desks look like we’re VERY ENGAGED ON VERY VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.
Me, being me, and not realizing the tour was underway, naturally blurted out, “I’m tired of...
Watch“The Noises Rest” (by lonelysandwich)
I miss You Look Nice Today.
1 tag
In Which I Have a Moment
The 8YO called me this morning and told me I needed to take her to lunch today, “because I haven’t seen you in *forever*, Daddy.”
“What are you talking about? That’s demonstrably untrue, Ellis. Plus, I have you guys all next week when Mom is out of town.”
“I don’t know what that ‘demonstrubably’ word means, Daddy.”
Anyway,...
In Which I Have My Yearly Two Glasses of White...
Our CEO is giving a speech/toast and surprisingly, none of the “CEO Drinking Game” words are coming up (“world class”, “forward thinking” or “thought leader”), and it’s just the usual, nice “I’m honored to work with such exceptional people as all of you.”
Clearly, I have to do something to liven this up.
The CEO winds up...
My New Superpower
Hugging co-workers from the Portland office who’ve flown in for the studio’s holiday party this evening for just a bit too long.
“Hold it ‘till it’s awkward” is my motto.
Sorry, Matt.
E Ci Fu la Luce!
(And lo, there was light!)
Thank you, electrical dude.
And… The Power Is Out at My Place
Like, *really* out. Breakers blew, I flipped everything back, stuff blew again and now I’m sitting here in the dark, waiting for an electrical dude to get over here.
Perhaps now is as good a time as any to note that it’s below freezing outside.
Though my place does look *really* awesome all lit by candlelight, so that’s kinda fun.
2 tags
There's a Subtle Difference, But Huge Difference
I am not pathetic and lonely.
I am pathetic and alone.
(Though both those feature me weeping in the shower to hide the tears, so I can see how it’d be easy to confuse the two.)
Sure, It's Midnight Here Now
But I’m a 44 year old man who can’t get to sleep, this is ‘Merica, and I want Arby’s curly fries.
So.
Road trip.
1 tag
Truthful Friday
The “face-melty” part of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” still kind of freaks me out.