May 2011
April 2011
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It Wasn't Really That Bad
I watched a video from my performance last night and while truly, the last minute or so was appallingly bad (I hit the punchline of my “killer” ending bit and oh my holy silence in the dead of night that will haunt me forever, *no one* laughed), most of it wasn’t nauseating.
I even did some new stuff that worked and I learned the following tidbit:
Important Safety Tip!...
Huh.
So, that’s what it feels like to bomb.
I think I’ll try pretty hard not to do that again.
In Which It Just Gets Better and Better
I got to the storage unit to pick up the costume (also seen here) and the ancient and talkative fellow who rents the unit next to us was there. (I’d heard about him from the guy who owns the storage unit place, apparently our neighbor is retired, doesn’t have a garage at his house and “likes to putter” and so spends a lot of his days at the storage unit.)
Note: This...
In Which You Begin to Hate Me Because I Won't Stop...
I’m in an intolerably good mood this morning. Like, the birds chirping and flowers singing and the sky is raining joy kind of happy.
I don’t know where it came from.
No, I did not get laid over the weekend. (Cute that you would think that, though!) No, I didn’t lose five pounds or win the lottery. Yes, I still live in the same dinky, winky apartment and yes, life still has no...
WatchThe latest qualification for being my significant other/girlfriend/whatever, besides having a pulse and not being revolted by the sight of me. (Those two are still high on the list.)
“Must like ‘Sports Night’”
Baseball Video Highlights & Clips | BB Moments:... →
tj:
zuhl:
The night I became a Yankees fan.
Coincidentally, the night I lost my soul.
Yankess… fan…
YANKEES FAN?
You know, Zuhl, up until this point I have considered our blood feud to all a silly Internet thing, sort of like when we talk about how Ben drowns kittens and Morrow beats up nuns.
But this? THIS?
Unacceptable. Welcome to my new list:
Whatever man… I still love you.
Baseball Video Highlights & Clips | BB Moments:... →
The night I became a Yankees fan.
Coincidentally, the night I lost my soul.
Also, someone please explain to me why a clip like this is not embed-able? Does it make any sense at all why MLB wouldn’t allow that?
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Thing I Just Shouted Here at Work After Perusing...
“I want to go on this trip. Everybody! Please stop what you’re doing and start work on getting me a girlfriend, so I can go on this trip. Thanks!”*
My co-workers tend to like it so much better when I just keep my headphones on and occasionally sing out loud, I think.
* Yes, I know I could go alone, and I’ve gone on a few vacation type trips completely alone lately, but Venice? You...
The Totals So Far
Totals of miscellaneous things I’ve experienced at this party kerfluflle:
Douchebags with spike-y hair and pearl button “western” shirts: 7
Fake breasts: 23 (best not to ask why that’s an odd number)
Times I’ve been offered the same nasty liver appetizer thing on a stick: 5
Times I’ve politely, but firmly demured after being offered same: 3
Times I had...
Miscalculation
Kids won’t let me play Portal 2 with them.
“You’re not really very good, Dad. We’d like to be able to win the game.”
At least I have decent taste in pizza and beverages, twerps.
Also, I’m confiscating the Cadbury Mini Eggs until one of them hands over a controller.
In Which I Spend an Inordinate Amount of Time...
We have an intern here at work.
She smells nice.*
It’s roughly akin to how great a “breakfast of bacon and eggs and hot coffee cooked by someone who loves you” smells after you sleep in on a Sunday morning.**
It’s pretty awesome.
Possibly because I myself am incredibly insecure, I tend to think that most people probably enjoy receiving compliments and in my life I try and be as...
So yeah, I took that “number” test thing that’s floating around today.
For what it’s worth, according to that thing, I’m a “Type 7” (The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.) Sounds at least marginally plausible.
It means I’m going to die alone, doesn’t it?
(Shut. It. “Dying alone” is my default answer to everything these days. That’s also quite...
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The Next Person Who Calls Me an Apple Fan Boy Gets...
And then I’ll tell this story.
On Friday, the hard drive in my less than one year old MacBook Pro went kaput. I know this because I’m a computer professional and stuff and because of the horrible clanky noises the thing made when I’d try to boot up from it. (Mostly, the clanky noises, of course.)
None of my normal “nerd wizard tools” (fsck, TechTool Pro, Disk...
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In Which I Rant A Bit and Then Start Weeping...
TL;DR: “Dating sucks. Also, everyone sucks.”
ATTENTION ALL LADIES I MAY SOMEDAY ASK OUT ON A DATE! SERIOUSLY! HEADS UP!
If you do not want to go out with me (either in the first place or ever again), good gravy on a popsicle stick, just freaking tell me, OK? Really. You’re a “woman of a certain age” (I’m so very not one of those divorced early 40s guys who chase after 25 year olds,...
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“Um, Yeah, I *Totally* Meant to Call You”*
I’m sitting here in the “D” concourse of Terminal 2 at the Salt Lake City airport, I look up and who do I see?
A woman I dated last fall for approximately 3 milliseconds.
My name is Jon and apparently the Universe will always give me the opportunity to crank up the level of “awkward” in any given room to dangerously high levels.
* That was her line, BTW.
Watch“Open Mic 04-06-2011”
I have a hojillion critical things to say about this, and seriously thought about not posting it, since in some ways I’m mortified to my core about it, but in the end I decided to post it because it will serve as some kind of milestone.
This is where I started.
And hopefully it will get better from here. Certainly there’s enough to work on. :-]
Of note:
El...
Also, I have the day off today before I head for Chicago. Damn straight, I’m going to sit on my futon in my boxers and play video games all day. I feel like I’ve earned that privilege. :-]
I didn’t bomb.
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Concentrating on the Important Things
“Jon, your thing is tomorrow night, right?”
“Yep.”
“Are you nervous that your frenetic, somewhat witty schtick will be met with blank stares, a thundering silence and this will confirm what you’ve known all along, that no one cares what you have to say on any subject and that fundamentally you’re unlovable in any format?”
“Nope.”
”Have you decided what you’re going to wear yet?”
...
