Jon’s Tumblr Thing-y

In Which I Finally, After an Interminable Silence, Break Down and Talk a Bit About Star Wars

HEY, DON’T RUN AWAY, THERE’S SOME GOOD STUFF IN HERE.

Last night the boys were driving me slightly bonkers (after an hour, NICE), so I sent them to Best Buy with my credit card to buy the Blu Ray version of the entire Star Wars series.

$70 well spent?

Or $70 that proves I’m a bad parent?

Discuss…

While you’re doing that. I’ll talk a bit about the Star Wars marathon the boys and I started last night… (I fell asleep during Empire and I doubt the boys lasted much longer, but that’s not the point.)

We started with Episode IV, naturally. No discussion necessary about why that is the “correct and proper” way to begin a Star Wars marathon. Don’t even talk to me about chronology and story. You always begin a Star Wars marathon with Episode IV. I’m right and that’s all there is to it.

For the most part, I try to ignore the “prequels” for reasons I refuse to go into here, but I will admit that Ep. III has a few redeeming qualities, I guess (I rather enjoy the final light saber duel between Vader and Obi-Wan, though the “floating on lava” bits are rather overblown), but since I’m all old and decrepit, I have some annoying opinions about Episode IV and I’m tragically willing to share them with you.

Chewbacca doesn’t get medal at the end of Episode IV. This is bull shit of the highest order. Walking carpets who help the rebellion deserve medals during the denouement of a story, just like the humans do. “THAT’S RACIST” is what I always say during the medal ceremony, much to the detriment of those viewing the movie with me. (I don’t talk during movies, that’s a law with me, but I occasionally can’t help myself and blurt some crap out, OK?) Hell, R2D2 and C3PO should have gotten medals, come to think of it. R2D2 secreted away the plans to the Death Star and the rebels wouldn’t have won without those, right? He should have gotten more than a mere spring cleaning.

Jonah (the 14YO) came up with a bunch of reasons why Chewbacca might have gotten a medal, but chosen not wear it during the ceremony, “Wookies don’t wear clothes, Dad, so maybe wearing a medal would go against some fundamental wookie-ness? Like, it’s a religious thing for him, you know?” Frankly, this is a level of involved nerdiness I generally shy away from, but I’m letting it go in this case. I’m still calling BS, though. Chewie should have gotten a medal, damn it. Plus, he (Jonah) is only 14, so clearly he’s an idiot for the next few years and is allowed to hold ridiculous opinions. It’s only a problem if he becomes a republican and begins to hold those ridiculous opinions, I suppose.

Luke is pretty whiney in Episode IV. “But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!” Cry me a river, fly boy. Also, power converters? That’s what passes for a good time on a desert planet, I suppose.

C3PO is the “Jar Jar Binks” of the original trilogy.

Han Solo is pretty bad ass. (Yes, we paused the movie at the “Han shot first” portion and had a small (though entirely too lengthy) philosophical discussion about editing and art and authorship and how it relates to character development. I won’t regale you with the details, because OY, that would be annoying; though suffice it to say, George Lucas can eat a bag o’ dicks for the simple reason that I only wanted to enjoy a movie and *not* have an extended discussion with my children about “editing and art and authorship and how it relates to character development” in the middle of the damn movie, thank you very much; though because I’m a ginourmous nerd, I simply couldn’t help myself, because I end up feeling a bit strongly about these sorts of things; so fuck you, George L., you neutered one of your main characters with that edit and it’s not about ruining my childhood or some other nerd whine, it’s about you being a piss poor storyteller.) Still, Han Solo, redemptive hero and bad ass and all that.

I’d have Leia’s babies in a heartbeat, notwithstanding her unfortunate Cinnabon inspired hairstyles. She had me at “Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?” What. I love me some snark and sass and an obvious brain at work. What can I say? Make me smile/laugh and laugh at my jokes and I’m yours forever. Screw your gold metal bikinis, I (heart) me some sass. Though the gold bikini scene in Jedi does have a certain charm, I’ll admit. I’m a man of a certain age, after all.

It’s all about Darth Vader, OK? Ascension. Pinnacle. Fall. Redemption.

Empire is still my favorite Star Wars movie, though I’ll always have a soft spot for Ep. IV.

Ellis is at grandma’s for a week or two and we (the boys and I) have decided we’re introducing her to Star Wars as soon as she gets back. She will complain loudly about this at first, I’m sure, but I can also guarantee she’ll love it at the end.

I just wish I didn’t have to pause during the Mos Eisley Greedo scene.